Before Alice
by notmarge
Summary: Some Hatter backstory. One-shot. Rated T just to be safe.


**I do not own Syfy's Alice. It's just beautiful.**

**Before Alice**

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It was a warm, cloudless, spring day. Hatter and Alice had just enjoyed a filling lunch and were strolling through the park. Hand in hand, they chatted amicably about this and that. They laughed together. They kissed. They were both garbed in jeans, cotton tshirts, and sneakers. Alice's lustrious black hair was loose and Hatter's of course, was caught up under his hat. They looked like a happy couple. And they were. They had been for about a week, ever since Hatter suddenly appeared to sweep Alice off her feet.

In a brief conversational lull, Alice spontaneously asked, "Hatter, have you ever been in love before?"

The question took him by surprise, but not really. Alice was always one for asking direct questions that he was not entirely prepared to answer. He stopped walking and stood for a moment, forming his thoughts in his head. He had always been the one to push Alice to be honest and examine things more closely. Now, apparently, it was her turn to do the same to him. He wished he could lie to her, but he couldn't.

With a few exceptions at the rocky beginning of their Wonderland association, Hatter had never lied to Alice. It just didn't work out well. Somewhere between the night time fire and the chilly beach, he had resolved to be absolutely truthful with her no matter what. He just wished it didn't have to be now. But there it was. And he was going to be truthful. But how would she react to his confession?

He knew she had never been in a serious physical relationship, not even with Jack. Her trust issues, she had said. They had not consummated a physical relationship yet either. Hatter was perfectly happy to take things between them at an easy pace. This answer to her question might well end any sort of relationship at all. But he must be truthful. There was no other option for them.

Hatter spotted a medium sized tree a little ways off the winding path. It was just starting to sprout green leaf buds. A bench for two stood underneath it. He headed toward it and sat, grateful for the firmness and stability of it underneath his strong, lithe frame. He was feeling a bit shaky.

Alice stepped quietly to him. "Hatter?" She asked with concern. This wasn't exactly the answer, or lack thereof, that she had been expecting.

Hatter contemplated his fingers. "Well, I've, you know. . ." he trailed off.

Alice sat down next to him, looked at him closely. "What?"

He took a deep breath and looked up at her. Here goes nothing, he thought. Gulp.

"When I was sixteen, I was sort of shamblin' around by meself. Not really anywhere. Livin' hand to mouth, I guess you'd say. . . "

Hatter was young. Yes, he _was_ called 'Hatter' at that time because he always wore a hat. One he'd stolen from somewhere. Just something to play about with. It actually helped in the distraction process of talking people into or out of things he wanted or didn't want. Obtain information from someone just dying to reveal secrets. Temporary misdirection to ditch unsavory company. Whatever the situation called for. Just enough to gain a momentary edge.

One night, on a whim, he accompanied some acquaintances into a Tea club. Looking for a party, a girl to charm, a Tea high to distract him, whatever to pass the time. It was a loud, dark atmosphere with bright, flashing lights, and pounding music. Bodies everywhere, engaged in various entertainments. Dancing, talking, snogging, imbibing special Teas. Hatter's eyes were everywhere, on everything. Wild scene, it was.

Sometime during the evening, he was approached by a girl. Blond, wavy hair, heavily applied make-up enhancing her most attractive features, short, revealing dress clinging to all the right curves in all the right places. She attracted most of the males in the club. Why had she picked him? She was very interested in everything about him. When they talked, she hung on every word. As they danced, she pressed close to him. She kissed him with a promise and hint of things to come.

They drank Lusty Love Tea, a favorite among the patrons of the club. When they eventually staggered out of the club together into the wee hours of the morning, Hatter felt better than he ever had in his life. He had really lucked out! This was the one. He was dedicated to her and her voluptuous form.

When they arrived back at her place, she presented herself and he partook of her welcoming body. She offered it willingly and with great delight. She fulfilled his every wish and desire. It was a stupendous night for him. It seemed too good to be true. He was in love with a goddess.

During breaks from their frequent couplings, she asked him questions about himself. Who were his friends? Where did he stay? What did he think about the Resistance and the Queen of Hearts? She asked these and many more questions, all the time filling his fuzzy brain with Lusty Love Tea. He answered her questions as much as he could. He told her all that was in his heart for her. He even told her he loved her. She laughed brightly when he confessed this and then pulled him down to her again.

"I'd heard talk o' the Resistance o' course," Hatter fiddled absently with the knee of his jeans, not looking directly at Alice. "But I was always too busy with me own stuff to really pay attention to anythin' else much."

The next morning, his vivacious companion's mood had altered considerably. When he tried to touch her, she disgustedly pulled away.

"Whaddya mean you don't know nothin' 'bout the Resistance?! Yer part o' them, ain't ya? I need that information for the Queen's spies!"

Hatter reached out to hold his love and she pushed him away, repulsed.

"I thought you was gonna have some real information! I wasted my whole night on _you_?!"

Hatter was confused. They were in love. Who cared about the Resistance or the Queen? They had each other.

She had different views. "Get out o' my place! Yer useless to me! You think I cared about you? You must joking! You fool!"

She practically shoved him out the door. Even tossed his hat away. Hatter was devastated. Confused. Lovesick on her and Tea. He dejectedly walked along the paths, sometimes wondering if he should just toss himself over the edges of them, into the waiting void. He walked a long time, eventually ending up at Tea shop with a neon scrolling sign. He went in and offered the proprietor whatever he wanted in exchange for a Tea that would make him forget his pain.

The stocky man took one look at him and told him to go sleep it off somewhere. Hatter flew into a rage. He had nowhere to go! He threw over tables and chairs. What was he supposed to do? Walk outside and die? This was all the Queen's fault! He hated her! She was the reason he was like this! He hated Teas! He needed Teas! Give him more Teas! He'd do anything!

Hatter eventually wore himself out and collapsed on the floor in a disgrace. He had a throbbing post-Tea headache and was beginning to realize what a fool he'd been. Fully expecting the proprietor to contact the Suits, he gave up and waited miserably for the inevitable.

Sure enough, a figure appeared beside him. Knelt down. Handed him a cup. Hatter looked up, startled. This he was not expecting. The proprietor looked at him closely as Hatter suspiciously sniffed, then sipped the liquid. Was it Tea? Was it poison? No, it was cool, clean, water. Just water.

The man guided him to a back room with a cot. Unsure, Hatter sat down. What was he expected to do in return for the cot and the water? Without a word, the man left him alone and with nothing else to do, Hatter feel into a miserable sleep. His dreams were full of Tea and lust and confusion and heartbreak and shame. His dreams were all telling him he had been such a fool. He did not feel better.

Upon awaking and leaving the cot room, the man had reappeared with food for Hatter. Again, Hatter was skeptical. Was there something in the food? What was the goal of this elaborate con? Nevertheless, he rapidly consumed the meal and the man sat quietly, watching him.

When Hatter had finished the food, the proprietor introduced himself as David. He posed one simple question. Would Hatter like a job in the Tea shop? Hatter was taken aback. This was not a question anyone had ever asked him before. A legitimate job? He still felt doubtful but he accepted the opportunity. Mostly out of curiosity.

There were rules of course. Always rules. Hatter never really cared much for rules. Rule 1: Do not partake of the specialty Teas. Imbibing of these Teas leads to addiction to these Teas leads to bad business. Hatter readily agreed. Only regular teas. Rule 2: Always provide the customer with what they need and never quite enough. Keeps them coming back for more. Hatter agreed. Sounded about right. Rule 3: Always exhibit good manners to the customers. Make them feel like the whole world revolves around them. Hatter could do that. He could lie to anybody. Rule 4: Never engage in politics. Don't take sides. No Queen of Hearts. No Resistance. Focus on the Teas. Hatter shrugged. No problem. He didn't care about any of it anyway.

Over the next year, David taught Hatter all the ins and outs of the specialty Tea shop business. Hatter learned about and worked all the jobs in the shop and became quite adept at them all. He kept his distance from everyone and everything but the Tea business. David was quite impressed with Hatter's aptitude. Hatter was on his way. He could even buy more hats if he wished. He was still attracted to the girls he came into contact with, but in the end, he always shied away. Burns, physical or emotional, can take a while to heal.

In the second year of his Tea shop career, David started having Hatter engage in more clandestine activities. Running not only special Teas to outside customers, but mysterious supplies to mysterious locations. Hatter became suspect of his growing duties, but he never asked questions. He was quite clever and eventually figured out that he was helping the Resistance while serving special Teas to the patrons of the shop.

When he could no longer withhold his queries, Hatter finally approached David. When Hatter posed his question, David posed one of his own. Did he want revenge over being treated so badly by the Queen's lackies? Hatter did. Then welcome to the Resistance. It was a tricky game, playing both sides of the court. But eventually, Hatter became another face in the Resistance.

During Hatter's third year in the Tea shop, David died from broken fingers. Extremely unusual circumstances had he not been hanging from a window ledge at the time. Hatter never knew about it until the Suits showed up and informed him that he would be proprietor of the Tea shop. Under their supervision of course. These instances were actually quite common in Wonderland. So Hatter became the new proprietor of the Tea shop. The dangerous game became more difficult, but Hatter always was one to persevere. He actually played quite well.

Now that he had some status and power in certain areas of Wonderland, females, and some males even, flocked to him more readily than ever. He charmed them, gained information from them, made deals with them, and sent them away with fancies whispered into their tea hungry ears. He gained quite a reputation that he really had not earned. But there was always an edge to be gained from any social interaction.

After a while, he was particularly lonely and frustrated with his life. It looked good from the outside, but it felt empty and hollow on the inside. On a particularly gloomy occasion, a needy, attractive, young woman came to him, sweet talking him, cajoling him. She had no commodity to offer him for the Tea. She did adore his eyes ever so much. He such a charmer. How was it that he had no companion? Wasn't there just anything she could offer him in exchange for the Tea?

He was weak. He was lonely. He took what she offered for the Tea. He was gentle with her. He did not harm her. But he did not care for her. And the next morning, appalled by his unseemly behavior, he got her gone from his shop and did not even provide her with the Tea she had given herself so readily for.

He'd made a glorious mess of things. He could not bear himself or anyone else around him. He assigned Dormy to the running of the shop and locked himself away. With special Tea. He drowned himself in it for several days and nights. He hoped he might burst his heart or just simply sleep and not wake up again. What kind of monster had he become? His guilt and self loathing crushed him. Yet he lived.

When he continued to wake after days of Tea indulgence, he finally presumed he was not going to die. He picked himself up from his shambled state. He vowed to himself: No more special Teas and no more women. He could charm. He could bribe. He could offer assistance. He could make deals. He would not touch.

". . . and I kept me promise," Hatter finished the story quietly, still not able look at Alice, pure, beautiful Alice. "After that, I had a reputation for doing more than I did, but I always sent them away. It never made me feel any better."

Hatter and Alice sat in silence for a while. Hatter dreaded her next words or actions. Would she slap him in the face? Scream at him? Simply get up, walk away, leave him forever? He would deserve it. He had been dirty, filthy, vile back then. He knew this could not stand. Something was going to happen. Alice was a woman who took action.

And she did. She reached over, gently took his hand in both of hers, and spoke.

"So. You haven't been loved."

Hatter looked up, stunned. Alice tenderly smiled at him, acceptance and forgiveness in her eyes. She knew what he had been and saw him now for what he was.

"But now you are."

Then she kissed him, washing away his ugliness, making him begin to feel clean again. They sat for a while, soaking up the sunlight and each other.

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**This is my first Alice fan fiction. I can't say it was a happy story to create, but Hatter is a better person now than he was then.**

**I've also written a lighter, fluffier companion piece to this called "Rings n Things". Check it out.**

**Feel welcome to post review if you wish.**


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